Kill Them with Kindness : Body Shaming & Chronic Illness

 Kill Them with Kindness : Body Shaming & Chronic Illness

Maria Aloysius

The internet (fans/people) seem to be invested in the Hailey Bieber/Kylie Jenner/Selena Gomez online bullying feud. Yes, people don’t like bullies. Bullies (Hailey & Kylie) are being called out by Selena’s fans and the entire fiasco has become scarier with Hailey receiving death threats. Yesterday, Selena defended Hailey on IG, writing ‘This isn’t what I stand for. No one should have to experience hate or bullying. I’ve always advocated for kindness and really want this all to stop!’.

Similarly, Selena has been very open and vulnerable on the issue of body shaming and chronic illness, her lupus journey in her documentary, My Mind and Me bringing awareness to people, her fans and bullies on social media. She is constantly criticized for her weight gain, her appearance in person or online. There is even footage of paparazzi body shaming her as she is filming and working. That’s beyond absurd!

Anyone managing a chronic illness knows the feeling of being put down and called out for their weight gain, appearances. So, it’s time to educate others (family, friends, relatives, random strangers, employers etc.) about why they should think twice, thrice and countless times before uttering or commenting or body shaming anyone!

Let me educate you!

1. If You Can’t Say Something Nice, Don’t Say Nothing at All!

Practice this when you are feel the urge to comment on anyone’s body, particularly a person managing chronic illness. Think to yourself : Is what I am about to say positive? Will it lift the person up or bring them down? How can I approach it with kindness? If you can’t answer any of these questions, then I recommend it’s best to keep silent. Silence. Don’t say nothing. And by nothing, I mean NOTHING. Silence is golden. There are thousands/millions of topics to talk and share about. Keep your mouth shut! Have some empathy!

2. People managing chronic illnesses gain weight because of medication.

This should be common knowledge by now but unfortunately it isn’t. Chronic illnesses (fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, chronic pain etc. ) are illnesses dealing with inflammation. You feel you body is on fire 24/7. (Imagine that). And yes inflammation can be reduced with resting, eating better and exercise but medication (painkillers & steroids are needed to feel better and manage the inflammation & pain). Read that again! Steroids alter the body, and yes while making us feel a LITTLE better, the side effects are endless. And guess what? WEIGHT GAIN is one of them.

3. People managing chronic illnesses exercise too. We want some relief, to be healthy and to be less in pain and look good!

If you didn't know this by now, GROW UP! We are ALWAYS finding ways to exercise on days we have less pain/inflammation. We do all sorts of scheduling and planning to exercise even for 10, 15 or 30mins just to move our body. And guess what? Exercise hurts! There are times we feel more in pain or have bad flare-ups after exercising and even regret doing it! What can you do for us? Motivate us, encourage us and give us positive comments! Know that we try and try every single day. Some days we rest. But we never, NEVER GIVE UP!

These are some ways to encourage those with chronic illnesses :

1. Pay us a compliment. A positive and genuine one
2. Ask us ‘How are you feeling, today?’ and LISTEN to our response
3. Make plans and include us but give us heads up so we can prepare or better still come to our home to visit us
4. If you are willing (spouse/partner/family or friend), accompany us during exercise. Talk. Laugh. Distract us. We don’t want to focus on the pain!
5. Send us funny memes, movie clips, or shows or comedies to make us laugh and keep our spirits up
6. Ask about our medical appointments or ‘What did the doctor say?’ and LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGING and no we don’t want your advise!
7. Pay attention to what we can and can’t eat and buy us food as surprises so we can treat ourselves
8. Ask us about our day, pain levels or accomplishments for the day (no matter how small it is!)

GENTLE REMINDER

KIND, MEANINGFUL & POSITIVE WORDS ARE NEVER OVERRATED. BE KIND TO YOURSELF. BE KIND TO OTHERS.