Grief & Chronic Illness : Working through 7 Stages of Chronic Pain

 

Grief & Chronic Illness : Working through 7 Stages of Chronic Pain  

Maria Aloysius

What does grief and chronic illness have to do with each other? Well....lots! Grief is normal. Know that no-one can avoid grief. Losing a loved one (family/friends) or the loss of yourself when with chronic illness. Chronic illness / pain is a DAILY grief. You work through the stages and learn to move on. ALLOW yourself to grief! 

I experienced these 7 stages and here's what I did to work through them, stage by stage : 

1. Denial 

I find this stage by far to be the trickiest. Denial is vital. The stage where you can't believe you have a chronic illness/pain. There are times where you lie or tell yourself that the illness can magically disappear, just like it appeared one day. Deny, deny, deny!

What to do : Allow yourself to be in denial. Denial is the opposite of acceptance. Before you accept it, you are allowed to deny it. 

2. Pleading, Bargaining & Desperation

The stage where you lose control and are pleading to find a solution to your pain/illness. I experienced this during the early stages of figuring out what was wrong with my body. 

What to do : Feel these emotions and source out for those (doctors/medical professionals) who are competent to help give you answers or understanding. Look for someone who has the similar illness, For me, it was my sister who has experienced a similar condition. 

3. Anger

This stage is the worst. Angry at the pain. Angry at the situation. I have asked questions like 'Why me?' 'Why God" Why?? I hate this ....I hate that....

What to do : Be angry. Suppressing anger is the worst thing you can do to yourself. Be angry. Swear and cry if need to. 

4. Anxiety & Depression

Anxious through the day and night. Anxious of the future. Anxious about the pain. What to do? What will happen? How will my life be?

What to do : Time to start monitoring stress and moods, along with your food and sleep. Exercise and swim to relax your mind. Paint, Listen to music. Movies. Speak and communicate. Seek out therapy or talk to loved ones, those you trust and have empathy.

5. Loss of Self & Confusion 

At this stage, I experienced loss of self, grieving the loss of my old self, my healthy self, the old self who could do whatever and move and walk and run wherever. Confused at how to move on with life. 

What to do : Grief the loss of yourself. Journal. Write. Reminisce the old times. You may have lost your old self but get ready to meet your new self! 

6. Re-evaluation of Life, Roles & Goals

Most liberating stage! You start to move on here. You redefine your life, yourself. Your roles. Who are you? Who is the new you? 

What to do : You learn to say no! Having boundaries, Knowing your limits. Setting new and attainable goals to achieve. Small or little goals. 

7. Acceptance

Final and most healing stage. Accepting your pain and illness and working through it. 

What to do : Don't rush this. May take a long time (months/years) but be patient with yourself. You will learn a lot about yourself which you never knew. 

The New Me! Working through grief everyday is a beautiful thing. I learn at times it can be ugly but in the end, you learn to let go and let live! Grief is just another word for letting go and learning to love. Love yourself. Love your body. Love all the things you can do. How little or small they can be! 

A LOVING REMINDER 

YOU ARE NOT YOUR ILLNESS OR PAIN. YOU HAVE PAIN BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO SUFFER!